RED LICHTIES UPDATE
Season 17: Issue No 2

Fear Of The Fair Referee Appointment!

We’ve now played 10 games this season and therefore the amount of statistical data available is growing rapidly for the STATTO’s amongst us to get our spreadsheets stuck into! After getting our first red of the Season in our last match we decided to have a look at how harsh the SESL referee’s are being this time around.

The first thing we decided to have a look at was – are we being fairly treated with ‘homer’ appointments. After a quick analysis we consider ourselves fairly done to with the appointments to date. We’ve had six “homer” referee appointments in our matches – three in our “favour” for home games and three “against” us in away games. The other four matches have had “strong” officials, so we’ve got no cause for complaint so far.

The second (and main) thing we decided to look at was the amount of yellow and red cards handed out to date.

The stats reveal a total of 2,228 yellow and 64 red in 1,176 matches. That’s a yellow card every 48 minutes and a red every 1,654 minutes! As we’ve now got a red card in our tenth game hopefully it will be a while before we get another!

By far the nicest referee to have is Angus McBoab. Still to issue his first red card and only averaging a yellow card every 84 minutes – his “loose” categorisation can be considered as totally appropriate.

It was surprising to see the most “card happy” official to date is the aptly named Walter Wibley. He has the dubious record of issuing a yellow card every 35 minutes (2.55 per game) and a red card every 600 minutes (0.15 per game). The thing that is surprising with Mr Wibley is that his official categorisation is “FAIR” – his record even surpasses the much loved (but very strict) Graham Poll (currently in 2nd place in this analysis!).

Interestingly, Wibley doesn’t appear to be a one-off as further analysis by referee type shows the frequency of yellow and red cards are by far highest in the ‘fair’ category.

So when previewing your games this weekend bear in mind that a “fair” referee appointment may not mean you can get away with many cynical challenges after all!

Category, Matches, Mins, Yellows, Reds, Y/Game, R/ Game, Mins/Y, Mins/Red

Strict, 926, 83,340, 1,801, 52, 1.945, 0.056, 46, 1,603

Fair 60 5,400 131 4 2.183 0.067 41 1,350

Loose 190 17,100 296 8 1.558 0.042 58 2,138
(Sorry about table formatting - it looks ok till preview/post!

Whether these statistics will hold true until the end of the season or whether the current trend is due to managers sending their teams out more aggressively with ‘milder mannered’ officials we’ll have to wait and see. But in the meantime – watch out for Wibley and co!!!

Les, don't forget that if the ref is Fair or Loose then some managers will risk playing aggressively and this more than doubles the base chance of a booking.

What I don't know is if a referee's percentage is decided at the start of the season and doesn't change, or if he's fickle and the 1-30% changes each match.

NAI press no.4
Richard Burnett - Manager

I have heard certain rumours that my friends at ITV are considering including Nairn County in the next episode of hit quiz “Who wants to be a millionaire”. Apparently the question they have in mind will be along the lines of “Will Nairn County score any points this season?” Options are A: no B: no C: no and D: no.

All joking aside though and it is becoming deeply depressing that we currently have yet to score any points especially when last week against Buckie we played long ball against a weaker BUC side and we only walked away with a 5-1 loss. I fully expected a defeat in our other match of last week and walked away with a reasonable 3-0 loss. Without much time to think of excuses(realistically I would need half a year to think of a decent enough excuse), I think it is becoming apparent that my time in the 2nd division is numbered and we will be returning to our unofficial home in the 3rd division. However not is all lost as my squad is certainly showing a decent amount of potential with no fewer than 3 apprentices in the squad coupled with a further 2 age 1 players. We also have several age 2 players which certainly goes to show how we will be returning to the 3rd division with a squad capable of challenging for the title.

Im sure the majority of managers have seen the hottest topic of last week, to refresh your memory it was the naming of an auction purchase as Bin Laden. This caused some uproar as some found it too controversial given the current fragile state of the middle east. So I thought I would take this chance to offer some names for managers to use in future auctions:

Armand Hammer - as strong as nails
Chris Cross - best winger in town
Don Key - based on Oliver Tebilly’s Celtic days
Joe Kerr - every team needs a prankster
Justin Time - gets there at the right time
Lois Price - Cheap as chips
Lou Zar - Definatly a NAI player
Garren Teed - scores every time
Warren Teed - You can always get your money back
Constance Sweat - up and down the park non-stop
Lew Scannon - don’t know what hes going to do next

Laura Nodder - toughest referee around

(hope you enjoy them)

Further squad changes were made this week as another youngster has been promoted from our youth squad. We welcome Tony Low into the first team and I am hopefully he will be ready for his debut in no time and he will be reaping the benefits of playing against much greater more experienced players. Although this will be a steep learning curve for him I believe in my current situation this can only benefit the club in the future as I look to rebuild the squad.

This week we play host to DEV then travel away to HUN, im unsure weather we can get some points on the board this week. The right tactics will be required so its back to the drawing board for myself!

Press End

That is the best press release I have read this season. I would give you 50k out my own pocket
(but I'm sure there is no need as Phil will appreciate the funny player names, and the 'Who Wants to be Millionaire' gag as that show has hit USA tv - soon to be followed by Deal or No Deal apparently!)

I read the American Deal or No Deal has "lurverly ladies" holding the 15 boxes containing the money. Surprised Noel Edmonds never thought of that!

As for names - many marvellous examples from Mr Nairn.

There was a team in SESL a few seasons back - Martin Fallon at DUM I think - who had fun player names such as:-
Howdy Reachdat
Willie Passit
Andy Shootes

COW COURIER

COW GET BULLISH & SCORE 2 GOALS!!!!!

Cow finally got some points on the board this session with a 2-0 victory at home to Dumbarton. Man of the match Gary Brown scoring along with Paul Ward. A goal either side of the half-time oranges give boss Bishop some hope for the Save the Cows campaign. The campain had looked forlorn in the first match of the session with Cow going down 3-0 to Inverness. If truth be told Cow were not expecting much from that match as they were suffering in the EL department thanks to a Cecil cup hangover. However from now on in total concentration is on the league. We will survive.

Congratulations to Richard at Nairn for really taking the sting out of a controversial matter with regards to the name.

I think Phil should break the boundaries and award 100k for the press release of the season, especially in the way it reminds us all of the fact that this is just a game

Cheers for now
Tyron

Okay, okay. So it was a great press release. But it's not like he ran 26 miles for charity. The cats will award him accordingly.

Seriously, the press is among the most creative in some time...It brings back the memories of early days in MSWL. Jay Patrick Wilkins cornered the market on creative (though not always politically correct) player names. Where did he recruit these guys? Here's some old favorites:

I.P. Onu
Jen Durbinder
Hugh G. Reckshun

Yeah, to know Jay is to love him. Some of us tried to ignore the crass names, but it was pretty hard when Jen was leading the league in scoring year after year.

The cats are pleased with another Cup victory this afternoon, but recognize that the CECIL Cup campaign is taking its toll on our league play. We handed AYR a 4-0 loss in the first stage of the sweet sixteen, but AYR is undoubtedly focused on it's ever dwindling prospects of remaining in Division One. Can't blame them. Our future in Division Two is looking rather...well, shortlived.

In league play last session, we did what every fair minded, good sporting manager ought to do when playing the number one team in the division: we gave it all we had. No stall...no B or C lineups. No subbing out stars at the first sign of trouble. No, we gave it our all. Of course, there's a stiff price to be paid for being fair minded and good sporting, and that price usually runs about, oh, say and handful of points that accompany a win. The cats fully expected the loss, but were pleased that the numbers came out as even as they did. They were very disappointed at the 2-0 margin. Likewise, following that with a 1-0 loss to Queens Park (on a goal in the 87th minute) wasn't much better.

I guess we'll have to be satisfied with a Cup win for now...

Meow,

Clyde & Calvin

QOS Press

After a run of three disappointing matches, QOS bounced back to form with a fine 4-0 win away to first division Partick. Admittedly, Brian helped out by leaving his team to their own devices and they responded by abandoning Early Cross and playing a conventional 4-4-2 formation. Regrettably, this meant that my careful selection of a 4-5-1 ball control team backfired somewhat, but the team responded well and scored four goals from five games.

We reached this round of the CECIL Cup by holding out against St Mirren in an uninspired performance. The stars were O'Neill, the lone forward, who scored a crucial equaliser, and Samson in goal, who made several crucial saves.

The CECIL Cup is proving a bit of a distraction from the league. I decided to put out a strong side against Berwick at home and a weaker side against less powerful Deveronvale, but this proved to be a bad decision. Berwick turned up with an impressively weak 6-2-2 team and my top three forwards failed to take advantage. Alonso showed why he was signed by scoring, but that was the only goal when we should have scored at least three. Then Deveronvale turned up with five aggressive players and clearly deserved their win.

It isn't all bad, however. QOS are still fourth, but being left behind by table-topping Livingstone. And we have just picked up 8 more CPs for only 75 each, meaning that I can continue to strengthen the team. Coming up, we have three successive home matches, against Huntley, Albion and Partick, and I would be disappointed to come away with fewer than four points from the league games.