Take This Job - "jellyfish bad day"?

> >If you don't laugh out loud after you read this you are in a coma! Next
> >time you have a bad day at work, think of this guy.
> >
> >Rob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana.
> >
> >He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs. Below is an
> >e-mail he sent to his sister. She then sent it to radio station 103.2 FM
> >in Ft. Wayne, Indiana, which was sponsoring a "worst job experience"
> >con-*test*-('").
> >
> >Needless to say, she won.
> >
> >"Hi Sue, Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother. Last week I
> >had a bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling down lately at
> >work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize
> >it's not so bad after all.
> >
> >"Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a
> >few technicalities of my job. As you know, my office lies at the bottom
> >of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It's a wetsuit. This time of
> >year the water is quite cooool. So what we do to keep warm is this: We
> > have a diesel powered industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of
> > equipment sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful
> >temperature.
> >It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose, which is taped
> > to the air hose. Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and I've used it
> > several times with no complaints. What I do, when I get to the bottom
> > and start working, is take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wetsuit.
> >This floods my whole suit with warm water. It's like
> >working in a Jacuzzi.
> >
> >
> >Everything was going well until all of a sudden,
> >my butt started to itch. So, of course, I scratched it. This only made
> >things worse. Within a few seconds my butt started to burn. I pulled
> >the hose out from my back, but the damage was done. In agony I realized
> >what had happened.
> >
> >"The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my
> >suit. Now, since I don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish
> > couldn't stick to it. However, the crack of my butt was not as
> >fortunate. When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually
> >grinding the jellyfish into the crack of my butt. I informed the dive
> >supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator.
> >
> >"His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five
> >other divers, were all laughing hysterically. Needless to say I aborted
> >the dive. I was instructed to make three agonizing in-water
> >decompression stops totaling thirty-five minutes before I could reach the
> >surface to begin my chamber dry decompression. When I arrived at the
> >surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet. As I climbed out of
> >the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face,
> >handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my butt as soon as I
> > got in the chamber. The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't poop for two
> >days because my butt was swollen shut. So, next time you're having a bad
> >day at work, think about how much worse it would be if you had a
> > jellyfish shoved up your butt.
> >
> >"Now repeat to yourself, "I love my job, I love my job, I love my job."
> >
> >"And whenever you have a bad day, ask yourself:
> > is this a "jellyfish bad" day?"

Try this!

YOUR AGE BY CHOCOLATE MATHS.

This is pretty neat. DON'T CHEAT BY SCROLLING DOWN FIRST!

It takes less than a minute .

Work this out as you read ...


Be sure you don't read the bottom until you've worked it out!

This is not one of those waste of time things, it's fun.

1. First of all, pick the number of times a week that you would like to have chocolate (more than once but less than 10)

2. Multiply this number by 2 (just to be bold)

3. Add 5

4. Multiply it by 50 -- I'll wait while you get the calculator

5. If you have already had your birthday this year add 1756 .... If you
haven't, add 1755.

6. Now subtract the four digit year that you were born.

You should have a three digit number

The first digit of this was the number of times you really want to eat
Chocolate (i.e., how many times you want to have chocolate each week).

The next two numbers are YOUR AGE!

Oh YES, it is!!!!!


THIS IS THE ONLY YEAR (2006) IT WILL EVER WORK,
SO SPREAD IT AROUND WHILE IT LASTS

Sorry but it did not work. Yes it came up with my real age , but it was wrong as to the nuber of times I wanted Choc. !

Unless I am 82 years old it came up with the wrong age for me...

I think u2 might need to go back to maths class

Take your calculators off scientific mode guys!

Duck goes into a bar and says

got any bread?

barman says no

duck says got any bread?
no
duck says got any bread?
no
duck says got any bread?
no
duck says got any bread?

no I donīt have any bread and if you donīt stop asking me that,
Iīll nail your beak to the bar, OK!

got any nails?

no!

well, got any bread?